Usually my writing happens spontaneously; as a direct response to life’s events, something that has jarred me or has surfaced unexpectedly from the depths of my heart or mind, a deeply personal expression of something that has struck me suddenly, come upon me all at once. writing is how I respond to things I see, hear, read, feel, remember and can’t otherwise process or express… it takes the swirling of my mind out of my head, calms me and helps me to formulate my thoughts and at times to think what I want to say.
Despite the relief that writing affords me I have generally tended to destroy what I’ve written later on; poems, diaries, letters unsent… subjects too personal to leave testament to, not confident enough in my ‘voice’ to be able to bear to reread them or even have them exist. Over the last number of years when things felt really tough I wanted so much to write but usually didn’t have the heart to pick up a pen; didn’t know where to start.
I love to write but it’s rare that I have written outside of the context of feeling troubled… now a time has come in my life when some of the storminess has begun to abate and I no longer feel like I am being buffeted relentlessly by the waves… and the yearning to write that I have ignored, put off, suppressed and side-lined has decided to make itself felt again, a little stronger now, so I have decided to make time for that yearning; time to write, to reflect and opine, and to create a space to connect with others about the myriad of things that interest and move me.
I’m a 33 year-old, Irish, revert to Islam and the mother of two children whom I’m raising by myself. My son, who I had prior to coming to Islam, is heading for 10 and my daughter is 5. I’m a trained primary school teacher and have a degree in Persian but I’m currently at home with my children. I absolutely love being a mother- it’s the fulfillment of a ‘lifelong’ dream… and while life has not played out as I thought it would and ‘motherhood’ has not manifested in my life or my ‘self’ as I assumed it would, my children themselves are beyond my wildest dreams and so often my breath involuntarily catches when I look at them. They are without a shadow of a doubt the two most wonderful people I have ever known. Raising them is my vocation and it is an honour to be their mother and my foremost dream in this life is God willing to become the mother they deserve; to become ‘equal to the task.’
I still don’t know ‘where to start’ but nonetheless I’ve begun… my hope in this regard is to chart the journey I’ve had, the tests and challenges I’ve come through and the things that have crystalised for me, which have all served to strengthen my faith in my creator. Faith has transformed everything and made life beautiful. It is my intention to write, in the knowledge that thank God it all worked out ‘in the end’, in order to look at it afresh, in retrospect, and see the lessons and the blessings in all of it and, God willing, to find the courage to share my journey with others… and maybe have them share something of their journeys with me.