Stuff Might Come Up

cascade‘Stuff might come up’ she advised us with characteristic candour. I wondered fleetingly what could remain in me to rise to the surface; what coded secrets lay yet in the depths of my untapped unconscious. The thought checked me only momentarily… gave way to only momentary pause… before my burdened mind, struggling to keep pace with her insight-laden flow, broke free of that which it had snagged upon and resumed its headlong dash in pursuit of the underlying significance of her words, as they poured forth in ever-measured tone… fighting the previously-set limits of my comprehension in an attempt to process in real-time the complexity which she spoke… grasping at clues, implications and the edges of meaning that disappeared from the peripheral view of my consciousness… just as I thought I might catch hold… information overload.

I took her note of caution as a truth… curious only as to what it foretold… what I might stand to glean that hadn’t already been exposed, that might be unlocked and revealed to me, the magnitude of what it could potentially mean, to make the choice to lean, in, to the unknown, to the unforeseen… to inhale it and let it wash over me and go deeper than I’d ever previously been… anticipation and, somewhere lurking, anxiety… not unobserved by any means… tentatively ready, undeniably edgy, still somewhat on my guard… mentally preparing myself in that instant for the plunge… for going no-holds-barred… to go hard. Continue reading

I dreamed of you and when I dreamed of you you circled me, as you always do
You were there but absent, your presence present, as it always is…
Your scent and your shape…
In the corner of my field of vision, as you always are

And you chased me down… hot pursuit, relentless… like you always did…
Slipping away, retreating somewhere I can’t follow, as you always have

And I tried to reach you but you were gone, had to say I loved you but you’d passed on, couldn’t breathe without you and I couldn’t scream…
Eight weeks straight of crying

It was just a dream.

My breath comes fast and shallow; your image on the screen,
Standing in a valley dressed in khaki green,
Preaching noble conquest but it’s just obscene

It was just a dream

Need to tell you I love you, need to just come clean
Tell you I forgive you… for what it means,
Still long to hold you for all that it would mean,
Still scared to know you,
Still scared to show you my heart’s beating

It was just a dream